WHERE IS ME?!

WHERE IS ME!!

The constant refrain, some of my clients throw at me are, “I want to be ME!” I’m always playing roles of a super mum or dad, super son or daughter, super sister or brother, super wife or husband. Where is ME in all this? Good question.  Who really stopped you from being you? Who created the limitations you are facing? Who chose those restrictions? Those are my questions to them. We choose to be ‘perfect’ to the point of being self-sacrificing in the various societal and existential roles we play. Who decides those roles and why do you accept it?  We accept it out of fear. If I’m not a ‘good’ (read indulging mother), the world will castigate me, right? Our beliefs, we are putty in its hands. If we unshackle ourselves, we’ll find that the world will accept us as we are.

When I first joined a particular Allied Interests Group after having recently given up my career in advertising, I went for a meeting to meet one of the members. The member was very cordial and polite and shared all that was needed to know as I did, too. At the end of the meeting, she asked the question which most of us dread, fearful of what should we reply!

She said, “Can I ask you a question?”

My thoughts went into overdrive! What is it that this lady is going to ask me? I replied with a reluctant yet chirpy, “Yeah, sure”.  She went ahead and quizzed me, “Do you know people don’t like you too much?” I barely knew her for like 10 days with 2 meetings and I was aghast!

I calmly, replied, “O, alright, and why is that?” She responded, “Well, you see, you walk around in your branded outfits and designer bags and shoes with your anglicized English, you put people off. Why can’t you be down-to-earth and like one of us?” Hmmmm. Okay, I thought. Interesting. I smiled at her and with equal politeness shared, “Thank you for your candidness, it’s appreciated. But I possess a good number of designer bags, shoes and branded outfits, which I’ll have to continue to wear. And, my ‘English’ is the outcome of an excellent teacher in school who rapped my knuckles, lightly, if I spoke ‘incorrectly’, so there’s little I can do about that.

Look beyond my clothes and see the ME”.  Were I, the Farzana of a decade ago, I’d have cringed and wanted to change myself to be accepted. Out of the fear of not being liked by all. Well, no, I’m not that anymore. I don’t think less of that lady. Her borrowed beliefs had fashioned her thinking. She saw only what she chose to due to her own set of choices.

You can choose to be the ME you are and not lose your ME, based on the self-belief and judgments thrown at you.  

What do you choose? 

I’d be delighted to hear any shares you have?